The Long Road Parallel
by WeBuiltThePyramids
Summary: Penny's past has scarred her.  Follows her thoughts from 3.17 to a few days past the season 3 finale-plus what was going on in her life during that time that we didn't see on screen. Written for the BBBB challenge at Livejournal. Better than the summary!
1. Chapter 1

**I've been working on this since March, for the Big Bang Big Bang over at Livejournal. The requirements were the fic had to have 15,000 words minimum, it had to feature at least one character from The Big Bang Theory, and it had to have been beta-read. Today is my posting date-this fic is sixteen chapters and about 21,000 words. A big thanks to Roxanne (ennaxor) for being my beta reader, and to Amber (amtrak12) for helping me with my idea back at sign-up time. Also, thank you to all the Snowflake Snugglers over at Fanforum for your encouragement. *hugs***

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own any characters that appear in this fic. Everything belongs to CBS.**

It had been a year since Kurt had had a girlfriend. Sure, he'd never gone more than a week without bringing some chick home with him, but dating had advantages that casual sex just didn't. For one thing, a girlfriend, especially one that lived with him, was always at hand and ready to go. They knew him much, much better than the women he met in clubs, too. There was that whole…commitment…issue, but he certainly wouldn't make the mistake of sowing his wild oats in his own apartment again-even he admitted that doing that was pretty stupid. He never did understand exactly why Penny had gotten so mad-it wasn't like it was his fault that she had come home early and caught them, and he'd even explained to her that he was banging…Cassie? Was that one Cassie? Kurt thought so, and he'd tried to enlighten Penny to the fact that he'd been seeing Cassie in secret to spare her feelings. However, his words fell on deaf ears. Penny must have had a bad day at work, he'd reasoned, and she was using Cassie's presence in their apartment as her lame excuse to leave him. Then…then she'd had the nerve to express interest in the television set! Who did she think she was, anyway?

Kurt hadn't thought about Penny in a long time, but now that he'd decided he needed a repeat partner again, his thoughts strayed to her. She had always been an energetic and willing lay. It had taken him three and a half years to get bored with her-longer than any girl before or since. It had been years since they'd hooked up; she would almost be like something new…and he really would like to have a recurring sexual partner again. Should he get bored with Penny, he could always dump her and find someone else. It's not like there was a lack of girls in L.A; even Kurt hadn't managed to put so much as a dent in the population.

As he bid Jessica good-bye…or was this Tina? It didn't matter-it wasn't like he had to call her again-Kurt made it his mission to get Penny back, and he had no doubt that he would.

**This won't be all in Kurt's POV, but some of it will. Hope I didn't do too bad of a job with him.**

**Reviews are so, so welcomed!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Here's chapter two! This takes place a few days after The Precious Fragmentation.**

Penny went to the kitchen to place the guys' order. Her step was light; she was in such a good mood. She wasn't completely sure why-nothing particularly good had happened to her that day…but her life was pretty good at the moment. She was not behind on her bills, she'd whipped Sheldon's ass at Halo again the previous week, and yesterday she and Leonard had had an incredible time at Long Beach. It really wasn't often, she thought, that she had nothing to worry about…it was a nice feeling. Especially now that the ring business was over-she knew how badly Leonard wanted to keep it, but it was better off with its rightful owner. Penny missed it around her neck, as it was something Leonard gave her, but she had known that it was a temporary gift. She was just glad he had entrusted her with it, and she sure had done her job, putting protecting the ring higher on her priority list than keeping Sheldon's nose pain-free. Penny smiled. Her geeky men were the best.

"Hey, Penny?" Bernadette came into the kitchen as Penny was about to leave it. Penny smiled at her friend as she tried to walk by, but Bernadette spun her around and walked her into a corner.

"What's going on?" Penny cocked her head.

Bernadette glanced over her shoulder to make sure that no one was listening. No one was-they were understaffed today and the two cooks were busy on the other side of the room. "Kurt's here."

"Kurt?" Good mood was going away. Why was he here? "He hates cheesecake…but that's not all that we serve here…" Penny shrugged, trying to reason. "He just wants to eat. There are a million good reasons for him to be here…" she trailed off as a realization hit her. "Is he in my section?"

"Yes. I told him that it was now my section, but he didn't care. He wants to talk to you."

"Are you sure it's him?"

"Isn't he the guy that muscled Leonard around at your Halloween party?"

Crap. Kurt was here. "Tell him I'm not here."

"He saw you come in here. He told me to get my pretty self into the kitchen and tell you that he wants to talk to you. 'And while she's here,' he told me, 'she can take my order.'"

Okay. Good mood was most definitely gone now. "Ugh, Bernadette," Penny whined. "Do I have to?"

"I tried, Penny," the other waitress said.

Penny sighed. Bernadette had a point-she hated Kurt with a fiery passion but had still gone out of her way to try and prevent Penny from talking to him. "I know," she said, closing her eyes. "Thank you."

Bernadette put her hand on Penny's shoulder. "Good luck, girl."

"Oh, bite me," she said, rolling her eyes dramatically. Bernadette grinned good-naturedly. Penny gave another deep sigh and strode out into the restaurant. She really-and she meant really-didn't want to talk to her hulking ex-boyfriend, but after Sheldon got her in trouble over the whole panty-piñata fiasco she knew that if she wanted to keep her job she couldn't have any more paying customers complaining about her performance…Penny shook her head as she realized how wrong that thought would sound voiced.

Kurt was sitting at a table in the corner, wearing a tight shirt that showed off his impressive muscles. When he saw her, his face lit up and he gave a big smile. "Hey, babe."

"You can call me Penny," she said cooly, pulling out her notepad. "What do you want to drink?"

"Babe, you know I don't like cheesecake."

"I asked if you wanted a drink, not cheesecake, and if you call me 'babe' one more time, I'm going to…" Gosh, her wit was down at the moment. "I'm going to make you sorry you called me 'babe.'"

"Oh, that was fierce, my sweet. But you can make me as sorry as you want…"

"Okay. You're very lucky I'm in a good mood today. How about I rephrase that-call me anything but 'Penny' and I am walking away and Bernadette or Cheryl will wait on you." Penny fought the urge to put her hands on her hips.

"Okay," Kurt leaned forward and looked up at her. "Penny. Can we talk?"

Penny sighed. Suddenly, she had a bit of Sheldon-inspiration. "I'd prefer that we not, but I won't go so far as to forbid it."

Kurt frowned. "What?"

"What do you want, Kurt?"

"I want to apologize to you. I've been thinking…" he grinned. "I know, pretty weird, right?" He paused, but Penny must have been quite obvious in her lack of appreciation for his humor, so Kurt continued. "I've been thinking about us."

"Okay." Penny sighed, putting her notepad back into her apron. "I'm going to say this as politely as I can. There. Is. No. Us. You had your shot with me. You lost. My boyfriend and I are very happy together."

"Hey there," Kurt said, leaning back and crossing his arms behind his head. "Calm down, Miss Feisty." He gave her another big smile. "I realized that I treated you like crap. You are one hot woman, Penny…you deserve to be…exclusive."

She deserved to be exclusive because she was "hot"? "Yep. That's what Leonard thinks." Penny let his name slip casually over her lips, hoping Kurt would take the hint. He angled his head slightly, but otherwise didn't comment for a moment.

Then he recovered from his surprise. "Penny," Kurt said easily. "Just listen. I'm apologizing, okay? I did things that I'm not proud of, and I miss you, and-"

"Same old, same old," Penny said. "You have changed, have you? Is that the line…" she pretended to think. "Oh, that's right, you've become a better person. Screw it, Kurt. I'm with Leonard now."

Kurt didn't seem fazed. "Do you remember what we had, Penny? Couldn't you just let us be friends? We used to get along so well together."

"I remember what we had, all right," Penny said with a dry laugh. "Our relationship was always about sex, Kurt. We never hung out, we never watched T.V., or played any sort of G-rated games…we just had sex. All the time."

"Well, can't we try?" He put his head to the side.

The cute-puppy look was not working on him, Penny thought.

"And it wasn't always about sex. Remember when we first met that summer you were sixteen and played mini-golf?"

He had a point there. She'd just broken up with that idiot who'd nearly got her pregnant. He'd been so supportive…"We'll see, Kurt. Do you want anything to drink?"

"Nah." He stood up, and offered her his hand. She hesitated, then took it and shook. "I'll call you. And see when we can hang out," he added when she raised an eyebrow. "As friends," he added again.

"Okay," Penny said agreeably. What else could she say? It threw her off that he wasn't hitting on her-he wanted to be friends? This was a pleasant change of events, or, as Sheldon would say, "an interesting development." This would give Penny the chance she wanted to prove that she didn't always overreact. She smiled politely at her ex boyfriend. Then he was gone.

"Penny," called Sheldon as she passed by table 18. "Wasn't that Kurt, your body-building ex-boyfriend who more than once rendered Leonard a quivering mess?"

"Yes…yes, that was him," she said with slight annoyance. She stopped next to their table and put her notepad on it, smiling at Leonard. She'd gotten in trouble more than once for talking too long to them, but they weren't terribly busy at the moment.

"What did he want?" Leonard asked, his hand absentmindedly stoking hers as she rested it on the table.

"He wants…" she raised an eyebrow, "get this…to be friends."

"That's not what he wants," Howard said right away, looking up from his salt-and-pepper-shakers-Star-Wars battle with Raj. "He's an attractive, approaching middle-aged man. He wants sex. Just wait."

"Oh, not this time," Penny said confidently. "He said he's willing to hang out platonically, as friends. You know, he may have actually changed this time-I mean, he's come onto me before since we broke up, but all he wanted then was my body so…I don't know, maybe this time he really does just want a friend." The more she said this, the more Penny believed it. She'd have Kurt as a friend and Leonard as a boyfriend; what a great situation!

"I don't think that that's possible with Kurt," Leonard said, "but you know him better than I do."

"Yes, yes," she said. "Unfortunately." She smiled at Leonard. Suddenly it occurred to her that he may not like this…she was with Kurt for four years, and she had gone back to him before. "So, you're willing to let me try this?"

"Of course I am!" he said, squeezing her wrist. "I trust you. Don't really trust Kurt, but you can always castrate him if he tries anything." He gave her a warning look. "But you'd _better _castrate him if he tries anything!"

Penny grinned. "I want to kiss you right now," she said, "but I could get in trouble for PDA in the workplace."

"You can make it up to me later," he said. "I have tickets to that new movie."

"Great." She touched her lips and pointed at him, and then went back into the kitchen. Meeting Bernadette's eye when her friend came in to place another order, Penny gave her a thumbs up.

Good mood was coming back.


	3. Chapter 3

**I find it very weird to have written something this long only to post it all in one day. I'm so used to posting as I finish a chapter! I'm sure you readers like not having to wait, it's just so different for me! :D**

Kurt was long since out of Penny's mind when she got home from work. She had other things on her mind. Despite the return of her good mood-the day had gotten extremely hectic, and now she was feeling stressed. She tried to parallel park her car, but Howard's stupid scooter was there again. Well, she had warned him. Picking up the scooter, Penny heaved it over the top of the dumpster. The trash didn't come for two days, so he'd have ample time to get it. Not sure he had the strength, but he'd certainly have the time. She went back to her car and managed to park it, though the stupid man in 2B was crowding her. She thought of simply hitting him, but decided that that wouldn't accomplish anything good. He was a crabby old guy, anyway. He could yell "shut that thing up!" to Mrs. Grossinger at a volume that was louder than her Mexican Hairless was at actually barking.

"Hey!"

Startled, Penny looked up. Howard was leaning out the window. "What did you do with my scooter?"

"Dumped it. I've told you countless times not to leave it there." Penny cocked her head. "How did you hear me?"

"Sheldon."

"Damn his Vulcan hearing!" Penny said with exasperation. Howard didn't hear. He had already closed the window. Penny smiled to herself.

Leonard was coming out of his apartment as she was coming up the stairs. They stopped and looked at each other. "Hey," Leonard said.

"Hey," quickening her pace and standing beside him. "Another argument with Sheldon?" Leonard rolled his eyes. "Not really new, now, is that? And now Raj and Howard are arguing about who is going to get the scooter out of the dumpster. They know you won't, and since neither of them was at fault, neither feels that they have to do it."

Penny dramatically rolled her eyes. "Sounds pleasant. Don't worry. I had a stressful afternoon, too. I haven't been this tired in a while." Upon reaching him, Penny greeted Leonard with her usual 'hi, honey' kiss, but it quickly became more intense. Their arms slid around each other and Leonard backed a step so he was against the door, Penny in turn pressed against him. "I'm not too tired, now that I think about it," she said, pretending to be deep in thought. He smiled, and she pressed her lips to his once again. Her arms moved up to wrap around his neck.

The door opened, and Leonard fell backward onto the floor, Penny landing on top of him. They lay there, stunned, until Penny turned her head to see Sheldon there, holding the doorknob. "Did you two forget your keys?"

"_No_," Leonard and Penny said at the same time.

Sheldon looked confused, then shrugged and headed back over to his spot. "Maybe I am like C-3PO," he said, "because I just cannot understand human behavior." Raj whispered something to Howard, who glanced at Sheldon and smirked. Sheldon gave them a long look, then shrugged and went back to eating, mumbling something that sounded to Penny like, "not worth figuring out."

Penny got to her feet and held out a hand to help Leonard up. She looked in the apartment, took note of Raj and Howard, and looked back at Leonard. "My apartment?"

He gave a quick nod. "Uh-huh."

"Let's go!"

She took his hand and they ran across the hall. "Remember the Ten Commandments!" Sheldon yelled at them. "Thou shall not covet thy neighbor!"

"Neighbor's wife, Sheldon!" Leonard yelled back.

"Too late!" Penny called at the same time. She and Leonard giggled and pulled the door shut behind them.

Back in the larger apartment, Sheldon raised an eyebrow, putting more food into his mouth. "Definitely not worth it."

"Leonard has a point," Howard said, "It _is_ 'neighbor's wife.'"

"I am of course aware of that," Sheldon said. "I was making a joke. It's funny." He gave a little laugh. "I was making word play on the Ten Commandments, dropping the word 'wife' to accurately describe the state of Leonard and Penny's…"

"Sheldon?" Raj interrupted.

"Yes?"

"You were right. This conversation is definitely not worth it."

"I wasn't referring to…oh." Sheldon understood. "Shall I change the topic? Alternative history?"

Raj and Howard groaned. "Let's go get your scooter," Raj suggested.

"I'm game."

Sheldon looked at the door after they left. "Could it be me?"

**Reviews are always welcome! I love my readers that review each chapter to tell me what they thought of it! *hug***


	4. Chapter 4

**In case my timeline hasn't been clear, this takes place shortly after The Pants Alternative. I chose not to put any scenes from that episode into the fic because I didn't find that episode relevant to Penny's character, but just thought I'd mention it.**

Knock Knock Knock "Sheldon and Leonard?"

Knock Knock Knock "Sheldon and Leonard?"

Knock Knock Knock "Sheldon and Leonard?"

Sheldon opened the door, not looking amused. He looked at Penny with his eyebrows raised, speaking slowly. "Sheldon and Leonard?"

"I wanted to change things up," she said. "I wanted my own version of The Sheldon Knock. Can I come in?"

"Should I let her in, Leonard?" Sheldon asked, looking over his shoulder. "She has violated her promise to apologize for punching me by not using mockery all week." He looked back at Penny. "I'm sorry, I'm afraid I must 'beep' and say 'access denied'. That's your third strike."

"What?" Penny cocked her head. "That's my second strike, and since when does knocking violate that promise?"

Sheldon gave his geeky laugh. "Bazinga; it doesn't." He stepped to the side. Penny slipped by him, eyes narrowed. Once she passed him, Penny turned and went over to where Leonard was sitting in his chair. She sat on the arm. "Hey, honey."

Leonard took her hand and kissed it. "Hey."

"If the two of you are done with the public display of affection, can we get down to business?"

"Business?" Penny looked at Sheldon in surprise. "Sheldon, sweetie, Leonard's not paying me anything anymore!"

"_Anymore_?" Leonard and Sheldon said at the same time.

"I'm just kidding, okay?" Penny said in mock annoyance. "What's up?"

"Well," Leonard said, "We're going bowling in a few days, and we need one more person. We're against Stuart."

Penny's eyes lit up. "Bowling?" She grinned. "Count me in. I'm amazing at bowling."

"I would hope so," Sheldon said. "We need to take down the overconfident and overstocked-with-comic-books Stuart."

"Oh, you'll for sure defeat him with me on your side," Penny said.

"So your bowling skills far surpass your singing, acting, and academic skills?"

"Shut up, Sheldon. Anyway, when I was in the eleventh grade…"

"Oh," Sheldon said in an exaggerated accent, "here's yet another tale from the Cornbelt!"

Penny ignored him. Leonard seemed genuinely interested in her 'tale from the Cornbelt', and quite frankly, it was he that she wanted to share the memory with anyway. "Anna, you know, Anna Mae, we were babysitting my nephew…I think he was like eight then, and when my sister and her husband returned from the hospital-she shot him, but it was an accident, they were drunk-and they were talking about bowling…for some odd reason that I still don't know about. Once my brother-in-law was better, Anna and I challenged them to a game. They were good…"

"So…did you beat them?" Leonard asked after a moment of silence.

"Oh, yes, we beat them all right," Penny said. "But if you ask them, they'll claim, to this day, that it was only because my brother-in-law broke his finger in the sixth frame."

"How did he do that?" Leonard asked, stroking her hand.

"Well…" Penny shook her head. "The lesson we learned that day was when the little stickers say that you shouldn't put your hands in that machine that spits the balls out…then you shouldn't put your hands in that machine that spits the balls out."

"You should apply your lesson to the check engine light in your motorized vehicle," Sheldon said.

Penny let him rant on, yet again, about the relevance of a lit check engine light, and then said, "Sheldon, this is one of those times that I just nod occasionally and then say 'you got it, sweetie.'"

Sheldon shook his head and headed for the door. "I'm off to do work that promises significant results, as opposed to what I have a feeling you two are about to do…which does not."

"How does he know what we're about to do?" Leonard asked Penny as the door shut behind his roommate.

"Because," she said, easing onto his lap and putting her arms around his neck, "Sheldon Cooper is a genius."


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five! I wish I had clever names for these chapters like I did in The Third Party Accumulation (okay, 'clever' is debatable) but I may end up editing chapter names in.**

Penny took her bag from the counter. "Have a nice day," said the checkout lady. Penny called out the conventional "you, too," over her shoulder and left the store for the open spring air and the sunshine. Even if her car was available, she probably wouldn't have used it today. It was so beautiful out.

"Hey. Penny!" She spun on her heel to look, her purse continuing her momentum-inertia, Penny thought proudly-and hitting her in the back before swinging back and resting at her side.

"Oh. Hi, Kurt." She cocked her head. "What are you doing here?"

"Going for a walk." He was dressed like he was going for a workout, Penny noticed. Steroids-that just had to be it. "What happened to your car?"

"Sheldon has it. He decided that he'd better get his license so he can visit his grandmother without having to take the bus."

Kurt looked confused. "What the hell is wrong with taking the bus?"

Penny rolled her eyes dramatically. "He's scared without a seatbelt, and they won't let him strap himself to the seat with bungee cords."

"He tried to strap himself to the seat with bungee cords?" Kurt asked incredulously, looking at Penny.

"Oh, he didn't try," Penny informed him. "He succeeded."

Kurt snorted. "What a loser!"

"He'll be the one to walk away from an accident, that's for sure!" She snapped. Odd how Kurt's reaction was so similar to hers had been when the Bungee Cord Incident of 2008 had originally occurred. "He just wants to be safe, so Leonard and I alternate taking him out for drives, and his car is in the shop."

"And then what?" Kurt asked, "When he gets his license you'll buy him a car? What are you, his parents?"

Penny shifted her groceries to her other arm. "Oh, we're not getting him a car. No way. If he wants one than he can open up his snake can and buy it himself!"

"Snake can?"

"Long story."

"Hmmm." Kurt didn't appear convinced, but Penny had no desire to elaborate. It wasn't his business. She kept walking, suddenly experiencing an urge to get home, and get home quickly. Why she felt so anxious, she didn't know. Was something wrong at the apartment, and this was one of those "I have a bad feeling about this" moments from Star Wars?

"Maybe," She said out loud.

Kurt looked confused. "What?"

Penny shook her head. There was no way she was explaining that one either. "Um…nothing. I was thinking about this bowling thing I'm doing with the guys in a few days, and I was thinking maybe I should just go with them so I don't…waste gas, since Sheldon's been taking my car, and…"

"Hey," Kurt said, pointing up ahead. "Do you remember what happened to us up here?"

Penny looked where he was pointing. It was a street corner, rusty bench, dying tree…nothing special. She didn't recall ever being in this area with Kurt… "Were we ever in this area? The only thing I remember happening on a street corner was you taking a whiz on a cop car."

"I was drunk."

Penny snorted. "I would hope so!" She realized after speaking that her reaction was exactly what Leonard's had been back when she was in deep financial trouble and he'd found out about the loan she'd given Kurt. Boy, was Leonard right. At the time, she really had thought that being drunk was an excuse-how stupid she'd been!

"Anyway," Kurt said, taking her by the elbow to stop her from continuing on. Penny obediently stopped and set down her grocery bag. "It was about two weeks after we got here. This guy with crazy hair was dressed up like that guy from the space movie. You know, the one who lives in the desert and gets robots and runs away from home?"

"Luke Skywalker," Penny said, managing to recognize it despite Kurt's twisted interpretation of the plot. "Luke Skywalker. He didn't run away from home."

"Whatever," Kurt said, waving it off. "The guy came up to us, and I remember this because of how geeky he was, totally ridiculous, let me tell you, and-"

"He didn't run away from home," Penny said, talking over Kurt until he stopped. She could not believe that he had this so wrong! "He actually refused the original request of Ben, formerly Obi-Wan, Kenobi to accompany him and the droids to Alderaan."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. So this Luke guy asks us for directions to-"

"Kurt!" He stopped talking. "Will you let me finish please?"

He looked annoyed, but he stopped talking. "Okay."

"I'm done. I just wish you wouldn't interrupt me when I talk."

Kurt was looking at her like she had three heads. "Anyway," he said, dragging the word out for several seconds, "He asked us for directions to some comic book store. You asked if they actually had stores for just comic books, and the guy made some dumb remark, so I picked him up and said that I couldn't hear him too well because he was so short. He asked me to put him down, and I did, and just before he ran off like a scared puppy the guy said 'may the Force be with you,' or something like that. You told me that I was mean to pick him up like that, and then I said, 'I guess the Force is with me!'" He flexed his muscles and laughed, obviously proud of himself.

Penny vaguely remembered this situation, probably because when she first watched Star Wars with Leonard and the other guys she thought of this run in with the redheaded nerd. She wondered if this man had ever been in the comic book store when she was…maybe he remembered her and avoided her because he thought that she was like Kurt…Penny made a silent note to look for him next time she was there. Penny knew that when this incident had happened, a few weeks after moving out here, she and Kurt were still months shy of breaking up. How had she reacted, aside from "that was a little mean?" She didn't want to ask him; she was afraid of what he would tell her. How she had changed since the days she dated him. She'd even grown enough to have the ability to become friends with an ex-boyfriend.

They continued to walk, but without talking much, since Penny's phone rang and it turned out to be that stupid, awful friend of hers that just had a baby-Kurt didn't remember her name-she was married and apparently that meant spoken for, too.

Within a minute of picking up the phone, Penny was braying her stupid donkey laugh into the phone. God, was that annoying! Kurt tried to tune her out…ugh, how many times during their relationship had he wanted to just duct tape her mouth shut when she was laughing like that! It was so irritating!

After only a few minutes, Penny hung up the phone, and Kurt pasted a smile on his face. Boy, he thought, was she not as easy as she used to be…never mind, he liked a challenge. If this was two years ago, he'd have her in bed by now. More than once.

They got back to her apartment building, where Penny's ugly red car was parked. Lenny and the other guy-Sheldon-were walking around it. A thirty year old man analyzing his parking job, Kurt thought with a laugh. Kurt was parking-in more ways than one-extremely well by the age of sixteen.

"Hey guys," Penny said, sounding even more cheerful than when she was talking to Kurt. That irritated him. "How did it go?" she asked.

"Your lock is broken on the driver's door," Sheldon said.

"Yeah, yeah," she said, waving it off. She smiled at Leonard. "So, how did it go?"

Leonard had just noticed Kurt, and his voice was flat as he answered. "Terrific." Sighing, he smiled politely in Kurt's direction. "Hello, Kurt."

"Hi. Lenny, right?"

"I don't really go by Lenny, but…"

"Leonard. It's Leonard," said Penny through her teeth. Smiling, she turned to Leonard and let him kiss her. She let him kiss her! Kurt was horrified. What had become of this woman? She used to be so…the kind of girl that he would date…she let him kiss her! She was sober! What was happening to her?

Kurt shrugged it off, fighting the urge to take the leprechaun by his dorky ears and toss him over Penny's car. He suppressed the urge-there was no way Penny would sleep with him if he threw the guy that had to be paying her across the sidewalk-that was a pick up method he was not trying with her again-it hadn't worked that Halloween, that's for sure.

"It was so nice to see you, Kurt," said Penny, turning to smile at him. Her hand was on Leonard's arm, and it was obvious that, at the moment, Kurt was not going to be the one she would give it up to. Poor Penny-Kurt almost felt bad that she had to get her action from a man such as Leonard…what kind of guys did she hang out with, if this was all she thought she could have? Kurt suspected that it would take her a while to come back to him, as apparently he hurt her feelings before…but Kurt wasn't concerned. He wanted her back bad enough that he was willing to wait, like that king from that one country did that one time, as long as it took-her sleeping with Leonard could only help her realize, in time, that she belonged in Kurt's bed.

Because in terms of size and strength, Kurt was everything Leonard was not.

After Penny congratulated Sheldon on his driving, she went up to her apartment to put the groceries away. Once she was resting on the couch, watching the sixth season of Sex and the City since Leonard had "yoga," (okay, she probably deserved that one) she remembered that she had been anxious to get home. She wondered why. Her apartment was locked, nothing was disturbed…and she hadn't been worried enough to remember as she climbed up the stairs. Just before she fell asleep, Penny decided that she had been worried about Sheldon crashing her car.

**I really, really hope that everyone is enjoying this fic so far! Make sure you're letting me know what you think of it!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter six! We're getting to The Wheaton Recurrence now, obviously. I still don't own anything.**

"I'm excited for the bowling game," Penny said to Leonard as she came out of the bathroom with a towel around her hair.

He was still in bed, lying on his side with his eyes closed. "It's not for three days yet," Leonard said, rolling over and yawning.

"What is up with you this morning?" She asked, going over to the bed. "I'm showered and dressed and you're still half asleep. You're the early bird, remember?"

Leonard rolled over farther, so he was in the middle of the bed. Penny knelt on her side and bounced in an effort to annoy him. He grunted in mock annoyance, but didn't move or open his eyes. Penny walked on her knees to the middle of the bed and gently shook him. "Stop it," he said while barely moving his mouth. His eyes were still closed, one arm holding a pillow.

Penny gave an exaggerated sigh. She looked down at Leonard, still pretending to be asleep, and then picked up another pillow to gently whack him on the head. "Ow," Leonard said very unconvincingly. Next Penny tried running her finger lightly along his ear to tickle him. That simply got him muttering "remember Sheldon's nose." Like he could punch that hard. Penny waited a moment, but Leonard said nothing else. "Fine," she said, feigning hurt. "Be that way." She turned her back on him and began to ease off the bed.

Suddenly, she felt the bed move, and an instant later felt Leonard's arms wrap around her stomach, pulling her backwards. She shrieked in surprise. He pulled her into the bed and kissed her neck, both of them giggling. Penny twisted in his arms to put her own around his neck. "Don't you have to work today?" She asked him, removing the towel from her hair.

"Nope," he said, shifting his weight slightly. "We've got time."

"Okay," she said agreeably. Then she remembered the real reason she'd asked about his work. "Hang on a sec," she said, sitting up and looking at him. "Later do you want to go to the bowling alley and practice for the game? I mean, with me on the team we're sure to annihilate Stuart's pitiful little band, but it'll be fun. Just you and me, and no competition." She touched his nose. How about it?"

"Yeah," Leonard agreed. "That would be fun."

Penny smiled and sank back down, leaning in to kiss him. After a moment, she pulled back. "Sure you're not too sleepy?"

He smiled at her, but didn't respond. He just looked at her, appearing to be deep in thought. "What?" Penny asked him, cocking her head.

He was silent a second more, and then shook his head. "Nothing."

"Is something wrong?"

"No. No, of course not!" Leonard's accompanying smile made her believe it. Penny grinned back and lowered her head for another kiss.

* * *

"So you're good at this stuff?" Leonard asked as they sat on the benches near the lanes.

Penny paused in tying her shoe to look him in the eye. "Honey," she said in her best what-a-dumb-question voice. "Can you name one thing I'm not good at?"

If Sheldon had been there, he would have rattled off a long list of things at which Penny did not excel, with organization, singing, academics, and driving at the top of the list. However, this was Leonard, and Penny's words just caused them to grin mischievously at each other.

"Okay," Leonard said when they were both ready. "Do you want to go first?"

"I'd love to," she said. "However, you're on the right, and the person on the right is supposed to go first, right?"

"It's convention. It's not mandatory." Leonard grinned. "How about we switch sides and then you go first? That way we get the 'ladies first' convention and the 'right lane bowls first' convention all in one?"

Penny giggled. "Okay." She stepped around Leonard and bowled. Strike.

"Nice!" Leonard said, giving her a high-five.

"Told ya." She backed away from the lane and looked at him. "Let's see you do it, now."

"I don't know," he said with pretend apprehension. "I don't think I could measure up to that."

"Oh, I have no doubt that you can't," she said, grinning playfully. "I just want to see you try."

"You have no faith in me," he said teasingly. "Just watch this." He sent the ball streaking down the alley. Strike. He looked more surprised than Penny did, which caused both of them to burst out laughing.

* * *

"I love you, Penny."

Penny froze. She stared at him, her mouth slowly opening but no sound coming out. Leonard looked at her in confusion, that wonderful mixture of nerdy, awkward, and worried. But she didn't notice his expression. She was too busy fighting the panic building inside of her.

Penny had heard that when someone has a near death experience, their lives flash before their eyes. She now knew what they meant. The past seven months flashed before her eyes. The beard, the snowflake, the schnapps, the dinners, the beach, the snow cones, the Swiss Miss, the Matterhorn, the movie ring…

She realized that she still hadn't said anything. She had to say something! "…thank you."

Leonard seemed to be thinking carefully as he formed his last sentence. "I…just wanted to put that out there."

_Did I just thank him?_ Penny had never felt so awkward in her life. "No," she said. "…uh…I'm glad!"

Leonard nodded. "Glad is good."

He was trying to turn the conversation in a more positive direction, but Penny didn't notice because she was too busy trying to do the same thing. Finally, after another few seconds of awkward conversation, Penny did what she always did when something wasn't going right.

She took the easy way out.

She gave him a quick kiss on the mouth and turned on her side, finally able to make her panic visible on her face. She stared straight forward, hearing Leonard give a deep sigh and feeling the bed shift slightly as he moved to lie on his back. When he hadn't moved, or said anything else, close to a half an hour later, Penny figured he was asleep.

Well, Penny knew she wasn't going to fall asleep. She toyed with the sheets. She bit her lower lip. She hadn't put her clothes back on, and she was getting cold, but she couldn't do what she normally did and curl up with Leonard. She didn't want to move too much and wake him up…if he was even sleeping.

"I love you, Penny." Those words weren't just Leonard telling her something. It was more than that. Indirectly, and probably unintentionally, he was asking her something, too.

_Do you love me?_

But not just that.

_Will you commit to me?_

Commitment. Tied for "I love you" with what had become the scariest three syllables in the world. Those syllables were knives that had carved deep scars into Penny.

Kurt's recent presence in her life made her remember her romantic life with him. She had been the one to say "I love you." It had been said so casually, so freely…so damn carelessly. He'd readily reciprocated, and she'd fallen so hard for that man who could tell her he loved her that she had never been shy about saying it back. He said that she was the only one for him. She'd committed herself to him. He'd cheated. She'd trusted him, and he'd betrayed that trust. That wound went deep, Penny knew it.

Then she'd thought that maybe, just maybe…Mike had loved her, too. He'd never said it, but she remembered when Leonard was comforting her after that blogging issue saying "this is a man who loves me, but in his own stupid way was just trying to show people how he feels!" She'd gone to his place happy, because someone loved her again. She'd been wrong. Someone that loved her wouldn't turn around and screw with another girl hours after an argument. "I love you" had always been a phrase she believed…and it had always been a lie. Penny knew it was because the words were uttered too soon in the relationship, before they had a chance to really know each other. But she couldn't get past that, couldn't let herself think of all the other reasons why the relationship had gone wrong.

Now, all she thought of were the words, "I love you." Closely followed by a broken heart.

Now Leonard, her Leonard, had said those words, said them in such a sweet way…and that scared Penny more than burglars in the apartment or a killer robot crashing through the door. He'd been so different from all of her other boyfriends. He wasn't as tan as they were, or as muscular, but he cared for her more than they did. He accepted that they had differing beliefs. When she was sick and didn't feel up to sex he didn't get up and leave the room. He genuinely wanted to know about her life, her friends, and her work. He was so wonderfully different…but now the differences didn't seem to matter. Because he'd said what the others had said.

A similarity.

The worst possible one.

Penny just felt so overwhelmed, she didn't want that awful cycle to happen again, but it always did…Penny gave a frustrated sigh. She hated thinking that he didn't really mean it. She hated being reluctant to commit to him for fear of betrayal and abandonment. But that was all she'd ever known.

**Okay, I know that last bit probably sounded really jumbled-it was **_**somewhat**_** on purpose; I wanted it to sound like Penny's thoughts-but if it was really bad, then I'm sorry. :/ Review, please?**


	7. Chapter 7

**Okay, now we're at the second bowling tournament!**

**Still don't know anything!**

"Just tell me what to do, and I'll do it."

Penny's heart hurt at those words. What if she really was leading him on? She saw Wheaton behind her, looking at them with concern. Why did it come to this? Why did it have to be this way? "No," she said, struggling to keep her voice level. She looked at Leonard, saw the love and desperation in his eyes…eyes searching hers.

Wanting an answer.

Wanting to know.

Well, how could she tell him, when she didn't know herself? She didn't want to be the girl who strung someone along before breaking his heart worse than if she'd ended it in the first place. No one deserved that, Leonard least of all. "This isn't fair to you, Leonard," she said, her hand going to her stomach. "I'm sorry!" The last few words cracked and she had to get out of there, had to get away fast…she headed for the door, so badly wanting to touch Leonard's shoulder as she passed, to let him know that she was sorry, but the tears were coming and her chest and stomach ached and she just couldn't take it. She left the bowling alley and headed up the street. At the top of the hill she had to slow down; the combination of the stomach pain and spinning head made it hard to walk. She stopped and sat on a bench under some trees. She'd heard on some commercials that depression could hurt physically. Was she depressed? If not, was…whatever this mixture of feelings were…doing the same thing? She leaned on the arm of the bench. "I'm sorry," she said again, more quietly this time. "I'm so sorry."

"Penny?"

Startled, Penny picked up her head. A small car had pulled up by the curb. The streetlight allowed her to barely make out the silhouette of the person in the driver's seat. Penny got up and came to the car. "Ca gimme ri home?"

"Get in." Bernadette pressed a button on her side of the car to unlock the door. Penny crawled inside. "Are you drunk?" She asked gently.

Penny shook her head. "No." She wiped her eyes. She looked over at her friend. "Home? Please?"

Bernadette nodded. "Sure, Penny." She shifted into drive and pulled out onto the road. Penny was glad it was dark. With the traffic and the lack of good lighting in the car, it was easier for Penny to wring her hands, jerk slightly in the effort to keep the tears in, and those that did leak out the sides of her eyes ran down her cheeks in silence.

After a few minutes, Bernadette turned to look at her. "What happened?" Penny bit her lip and shook her head. "Okay," Bernadette said, facing the road again. Penny was grateful that the other waitress didn't prod. They remained silent until they reached the apartment building. "I'm coming up with you," Bernadette said.

"Okay." Penny somehow got herself to the fourth floor, somehow found her key, and somehow got herself inside. "Do you want something?" She asked Bernadette in a quiet voice. "I have food. I have…just, whatever you want." She waved her hand toward the kitchen as she sank down, sniffing and wiping her eyes with the back of her hand.

"I'm okay." Bernadette said, coming to sit beside her. "Do you want to tell me what happened?"

Penny looked down at her lap. "I can't."

Bernadette looked at her sideways. "Where were you coming from? Where's Leonard?"

Penny sensed the hesitancy in Bernadette's voice, not wanting to press for details but hesitant to leave without knowing generally what was going on. "He said he…and I couldn't…" Penny shook her head. "Tomorrow, maybe."

"Okay." Bernadette accepted this in her gentle way. "Go to bed?" Penny nodded, getting up and heading for her room. She paused before climbing into her bed…looking at the two indentations that were evidence of the relationship that no longer was. Penny eased onto her side and adjusted her body so she was facing away from the empty half.

Bernadette crossed the room and sat beside Penny until she fell asleep.

"You need to do something," Bernadette said the next afternoon at the restaurant. "You can't keep pasting that phony smile on your face and disappearing during breaks to hide in your car."

"It's been eighteen hours, Bernadette. Haven't you ever heard of 'give it time?'"

"Haven't you ever heard that you only live once? I'm not suggesting you go out and date someone. Go for a walk. Hang out with a friend. Don't spend your recovery time sulking."

"Hmmm." Penny bit the corner of her mouth. "You don't understand."

Bernadette looked away for a moment. "Howard and I broke up."

Penny's jaw dropped. "What? When?"

"A week ago."

"When were you going to tell me?"

"I didn't really want to tell anyone. I don't have a ton of friends, you know, and most of them I don't feel close enough to to…talk about why. And people always ask why unless you pretend like it didn't happen, or unless they say it's no big deal."

"Okay." Penny really wanted to ask why now, but that would be awful considering. "Well, I'm sorry."

"It's okay," she said, shrugging. "I really didn't…" She trailed off. "See? I'm doing it again. Pretending it's no big deal." She stepped around the door, and Penny followed. "You trusted me to tell me what happened with you and Leonard; Howard tried to bring porn into the relationship."

Penny gasped. "He what?"

She nodded. "Yeah. He did. I told him that it was out of line, and he didn't understand why. So I decided that we needed to end. He was okay with it, I think."

"I'm so sorry."

Bernadette smiled. "Go for a walk, Penny. It helped me."

**I really wish we could see some good Penny/Bernadette friendship on the show, so I'm making the most of it in this fic! Let me know what you think!**


	8. Chapter 8

Penny went to the park after work. She'd gotten home, changed, and then crept down the stairs and out of the building. No one saw her go, which she was glad about. That meant no one would ask her any questions. Not that anyone ever did-aside from Leonard and Sheldon she didn't talk to anyone that lived in her building. She just felt better knowing that nobody knew where she was going.

She walked the paths for a while, passed occasionally by joggers and cyclists, and then located and sat on a bench. It was a nice day, not too cold or hot, and with a gentle breeze. It would have been a great day for her and Leonard to go out somewhere…Penny shook her head. She was in this part of the park because it didn't remind her of him. She needed to stop thinking about things that would make her hurt.

Penny could see a kite on the other side of the trees, just the top part over the highest reaching branches. It wasn't one of the guys-they only fought kites and this was a lone one, and they wouldn't ever fly a Dora kite. It was probably a little girl out with her mother, taking advantage of the mild day. Penny took her purse from where it was resting on her lap and set it on the bench beside her. She set it to close to the edge and it slid off, but Penny didn't notice, watching the kite dip in the air and then right itself.

"Hey, Penny!"

She heard the voice, but it took her a moment to pull her gaze away from the kite. "Oh. Hi, Kurt."

He was smiling, so she smiled back before turning to look at the kite again. He picked up her purse and put it on the bench before sitting down next to her. She heard the crinkling of paper. "I have chili fries. Do you want some?"

"No, I'm okay," Penny said. "I ate." She knew that she sounded short, but God, she didn't want to talk to anyone right now, least of all Kurt. Him being here was only making it worse.

He didn't know that, however. "You love chili fries."

"I _like_ them, but I'm not hungry." One thing she was sure of: she didn't _love_ the chili fries.

"Okay, okay," he said, backing off. "Is this a bad time? You know, PMS?"

She turned to look at him. "Excuse me?" He put up his hands, unable to respond with his mouth full of chili fries. She sighed, deciding to forgive him. Sheldon did the same thing all the time, and although she chided him for it, she'd never felt that angry about it being brought up. She supposed she had to be fair and let it go. "Sorry," she said. "I'm just stressed right now. You know. Being an adult. No big deal."

Kurt raised his eyebrows. "Care to elaborate, babe?"

"Care to call me Penny?"

"Fine. What's wrong? Watching too much Star Wars?"

Wow, that's close. "If you really must know, I broke up with Leonard."

"So…you're sad?"

Penny shrugged. "Not a big deal. You know, been there before." I really don't want to talk about this with you.

"What happened?"

"Just stuff. Like I said, not a big deal." Bernadette's right-you can't tell anyone anything or they pry. "It's really no problem-I just have to adjust."

Kurt nodded, watching her as she pulled her phone out of her pocket and flipped it open casually. So-she wasn't sad about her and Lenny splitting! He knew that she'd had to take quite a bit of time to fully get over him. Smiling to himself, Kurt engaged in more small talk. This was the perfect scenario. She was single, and soon she'd realize that lousy sex was better than no sex at all, and her libido would make her crazy. She'd go looking for anything. Then he'd make his move-she'd remember how great he was and be more ready to go!

It was working out so perfectly.

**I hate Kurt so freaking much, so I hope that it's not making me write him really badly! :/**


	9. Chapter 9

**I think the timeline should be pretty clear from here on out. :D I'm really bad at A/N's when I'm posting them this fast!**

Penny almost went to 4A after work, but she had to be up early the next day and decided against it. Raj and Howard weren't there that night, and Sheldon would be busy jabbering with that doctor that was staying with them. She supposed that she could go over to give Leonard a chance to escape the craziness that had to be going on with Sheldon and Plimpton in the same room, but then she seemed to remember that Leonard admired this woman. Well, she knew how important Leonard Nimoy was to Sheldon, and if this Plimpton was someone Leonard always wanted to meet, then she wasn't going to stand in his way of socializing with her.

Penny yawned; it had been a long day. She and Bernadette had gotten lunch breaks at the same time so they went walking. She really was starting to feel better. Not too long ago she and Leonard had decided to be friends, and since then things had been a little less awkward. True, she was spending less time with them, but when they were together the conversations seemed easier. It had only been two weeks since she and Leonard were in a monogamous, committed, and mutually supportive relationship, but…Penny smiled. They were transitioning into their previous state-friendship.

It wasn't exactly the easiest thing in the world, though. When Penny turned in for the night, she curled up on her side of the bed-she still thought of it that way- and tossed and turned for hours. She wound up on her right side, facing the empty half of the bed-the bed that Leonard had put together for them back when everything was okay.

It was the nights that were the worst, that was for sure. Penny hated being alone. But Leonard was alone, too. She wondered if he was thinking of her.

* * *

Kurt drained the glass of wine that Alicia had left when she'd slipped out of his apartment that morning. He was happy that his pursuit of Penny hadn't hurt his chances of bringing a woman home. He was a bit surprised at his lack of satisfaction with the way the sex had gone, but even he knew why that was. Alicia was willing, as soon as he told him that he was a millionaire. Penny, one of the best lays of his life, was not. For the first time since he'd known her, Penny didn't come flying into his bedroom at the moment he beckoned. Actually, he'd never had to beckon. She just showed up. He'd never known Penny not to make a move on him, and her apparent indifference only made her all the more desirable.

Kurt lay back on the couch. So Penny had changed. Well, he was changing, too. He knew that she had been so, so brainwashed by those awful geeks, but he also knew that his presence would only help her and give her the strength to break away from them. He just had to wait a little longer, give her time to realize that she wanted him as more than a friend, to break down and cry over the time she'd wasted dating that nerd. Then Kurt would be there. He'd sit with her, hold her, comfort her, and if the moment felt right…Kurt smiled. He gave it a month.

Penny didn't take the bus to work. She walked to Bernadette's house. Hoofing it to and from the store while Sheldon had her car had put her in great shape. The walk took half the time it would have two months ago.

She rapped on the door, and waited only a moment before knocking again, even though she knew that there was no way Bernadette could have gotten to the door that quickly. "Open the door, open the door, open the door," she said in an anxious voice. "God, Bernadette, open the door!" She bounced on her feet in anticipation.

After another moment Bernadette's door opened to reveal the microbiology major. "Hey, Penny. Don't you have to work today, or are…" she trailed off, seeming to notice Penny's state, and opened the door wider. "Come in."

Penny was waiting for the invitation. She practically jumped into the home and gave a heavy sigh.

"What's wrong?" Bernadette closed the door and faced her friend. "What happened?"

Penny shook her head.

"You must want to talk. You wouldn't have come here if you didn't need to talk. So, talk."

Penny gave another sigh. She was so angry! "Leonard…he…ugh!"

"What?" Bernadette cocked her head.

Penny wandered into Bernadette's living room and dropped down on the couch. Why did she come here? She was just so…angry…frustrated…upset? She didn't want to talk; she wanted to talk. Why was life so confusing? Penny began to speak as Bernadette sat beside her. "You know that lady who Sheldon invited to stay at their apartment while she considered taking a job at the university?"

Bernadette nodded. "Sheldon was telling me about it last Tuesday. Very exciting. What about her?"

"Leonard…" the sound of his name, even coming from her own lips, made Penny's resolve weaken. She suddenly felt an urge to cry, and she paused in her speaking, partially to fight the urge and partially because she didn't want to say it out loud. That would make it real. Penny gave another deep sigh. It was real. "Leonard made love with her!" She blurted out suddenly, his name cracking as the tears flooded over. Bernadette scooted closer and put an arm around her friend's shoulders as Penny sobbed into her hands. "How could he do that, Bernadette?" She shook with sobs. "We just broke up! I thought he loved me!" Well, someone that loved her wouldn't turn around and screw with another girl hours later. Penny knew that this wasn't the same, that Leonard wasn't Mike, and that it wasn't just hours later. But…she sighed deeply.

Beside her, Bernadette wondered how to respond. Did you give him a reason to love you, Penny? I don't know if you love him or not, but Leonard thinks you don't. You broke his heart. She noticed how Penny had phrased her sentence: "he made love to her." Bernadette didn't think so. She wondered if Penny was phrasing it that way because it hurt that badly. Leonard may have slept with that woman, but he didn't make love to her. There was a difference.

Bernadette thought of simply patting her and saying "there, there," but she didn't think that would be appreciated. "Penny," she said instead, "I know you're upset, but…you broke up with him. I hate to sound unsympathetic; I'm just about as recently single as you are, and it hurts, I know, but…you two are broken up now. He's no longer got an obligation to you. He said he loved you, and you broke it off. Do you know what that does to a person?" Bernadette lowered her voice to a stage whisper. "I'm not trying to be cruel, Penny, but you're being a bit unfair. If you loved him, then you should have said it. You can't break it off and expect him to wait around for you when he thinks you don't care."

"So you're saying this is all my fault? Sure, Leonard, go ahead and sleep with a woman and be all happy about it when your ex girlfriend is still trying to get over you! Yeah, that is one hundred percent okay!" Penny felt out of breath after her outburst. Bernadette didn't even understand. She broke it off for him. She didn't want to string him along and hurt him. She was doing it for him-it was for the best!

Bernadette was looking at her oddly. "Penny, listen to what I was saying."

Penny hung her head. "I know. I know. I know these things, Bernadette. I'm sorry. I know this mess is my fault. That's what frustrates me so much. I wish it was his fault. Then I'd have someone to blame." She sniffed and wiped her eyes. "But…" her tears had been drying up, but now they overflowed again. "How could he have moved on that fast?" She bit her lip.

"You don't want to be done with him, do you?" Bernadette asked quietly.

Penny shook her hands. "I…I'm so confused right now…I don't want it to be over, but at the same time…it's never worked out before, when I fell in love." She put her head back into her hands. "I can't do this, Bernadette. I can't handle it."

"I know. It's hard, Penny. But you got over Kurt, and Mike. You'll get past this."

Penny allowed her friend to hug her, grateful to have gotten her emotions out…well, most of them. Bernadette had a feeling that Penny hadn't told her everything, but she'd heard enough to know that Penny still had feelings for Leonard, as she still had them for Howard, even though he had tried to bring porn into the relationship.

"Bernadette?" Penny said quietly after a while.

"Hmm?"

Penny sighed, putting her face in her hands again. "I know that we broke up. I know that I left him. I know that he was perfectly allowed to sleep with her. I know that he didn't cheat, but…it feels like it."

Now Bernadette knew Penny had told her everything.


	10. Chapter 10

**I really enjoyed being in Penny's head these past few months, trying to figure out how she thinks. It's kinda hard, actually! Hope you're enjoying it so far.**

**I still don't own squat.**

Penny climbed the stairs with Leonard two days later. He had fallen silent, thinking about why he'd done what he did. She kept walking, trying to look ahead but glancing at him often, waiting.

"She let me."

He was still honest with her. She appreciated that. "Okay," she said, trying to sound civil. "She let you. Did you only sleep with me because I let you?"

Leonard stopped. "No, of course not, that was…I thought you said we were okay!"

She sighed. She needed to stop being so moody. "I know. I was wrong about lecturing you for it. You're free to do whatever you want."

Leonard was silent for a moment, and then looked up at her as they reached the fourth floor landing. "If it had been my decision, you wouldn't have had to see her in the apartment."

She stopped, shifting her laundry basket to her hip as she stood next to the elevator. Leonard, in front of his door, watched her. Penny sighed. "I know. It was bad timing…put it behind us? " She tilted her head. "Completely?"

Leonard seemed hesitant, but then he nodded. "Yeah. Yeah, sure." He smiled at her, and she felt herself smile back. She came over and slid the arm that wasn't holding her laundry around his neck, giving him a quick hug.

"Hello, sir," Penny said, smiling at the man by the door. "Do you want to grab a seat? Anywhere's fine, we're not busy." Actually, the restaurant was empty. There was no one else there.

"Actually, I'm here to show the manager the new menu." He held out his hand. "I'm Zack, my company designs them."

Penny shook his hand politely. "I thought a guy named Carl took care of our menus."

"Okay, well, it's his company, but me and my sister are," he pointed at his chest. "VP's." He nodded slowly, lifting an eyebrow for effect. "It's a good business, menu designing. There's a lot of science involved."

"Is there?" Penny was interested.

"Yeah. It's pretty sick."

Penny giggled. "I see. The manager's on his lunch break…do you want to leave the design here? I can give it to him."

"Eh, it's okay. I'll wait around. You got any leftover chow?"

Penny thought for a moment. "I think some customer in Cheryl's section walked out and we were left with a Kobe Burger…it was only about twenty minutes ago. I don't think it got thrown out yet."

"Sounds, wonderful," Zack said. "I love me a burger."

"Come on in the back," Penny said, smiling at him. He followed her through the restaurant and into the kitchen. No one was there, the restaurant was never busy this early in the morning. They should have known that the guy who ordered the burger just wanted free appetizers. Penny's warned Cheryl of the 'homeless crazy guy' but she just hadn't listened. Now she was in her car, probably making up some tale about how she'd been 'robbed' by a man to her boyfriend on the phone. Penny was glad to have some company while her friend played the let's-do-it-as-soon-as-I-get-home card. She found the burger, still sitting on its plate. "Here you go."

"Swe-eet," Zack said, putting about a quarter of it in his mouth at once. "These burgers are bitchin'."

Bitchin'. That language seemed so foreign to Penny now…it had been forever when she'd been around guys like that. "That's good," she said. "We hoped they'd be bitchin'."

The more Penny and Zack talked, the better Penny felt. This guy was tall-very tall, and not bad looking, either. He was easy to talk to; he never brought up comic books or anything crazy that she didn't understand. He really seemed like a decent guy.

When he was about to leave after his talk with Penny's manager, he came up and asked her if she'd like to go to a movie. She hesitated, for just a moment. It was soon after breaking up with Leonard, and she was still very confused about that. But…he had a sense of humor, he seemed very nice, and he was the kind of guy she'd dated…before. Maybe he'd be able to help her get through this stage in her life.

**I just had to put Zack in here; even if he wasn't essential to the story!**


	11. Chapter 11

**This chapter was so hard to write-I was uncomfortable with parts of it. Maybe that's because I hate Kurt so much. *shrugs***

"So, there's this party," Zack said over the phone. "It sounds pretty awesome. My friend Jay, it's his birthday." There was a pause. "That rhymes."

Penny laughed. "Yes. Yes, it sure does." She looked down at her man-feet. Leonard really did a good job painting her nails… "So, when is this party?"

"On Tuesday. Are you doing anything?"

"I can get Bernadette to take my shift, so I'm free."

"Great. I got a little experiment to do…you know, with the menus, so I'll catch you later?"

"Sure." Penny smiled as she hung up the phone. Zack really was a nice guy. Refreshing-different from the guy she'd been with for seven months. Sure, he drank too much and got a little obnoxious, he wasn't a genius, and he turned over and went to sleep instead of holding her hand all night…but hey, it had only been a few times, the hand holding would come. If it didn't, it was just one less thing to remind her of Leonard. The sooner they got back to being friends-and the other day had been a great start-the better.

* * *

_Knock knock knock_

Penny looked up from her magazine. There was no "Penny, can I come in?" and the knock wasn't repeated. It wasn't anyone who usually knocked on her door, and she wasn't expecting Zack for nearly a half an hour. Penny stood up. She hoped it wasn't the landlord. She was behind on her bills again.

"Oh, Kurt!" She smiled brightly.

"Oh, happy to see me, huh?" He grinned, cocking his head a little bit to the side.

"I thought you were the landlord."

"So I'm a pleasant surprise?"

Penny laughed. "Well, you aren't here to evict me, now are you?"

She invited him in, and Kurt happily accepted the invitation. He studied Penny as he came in and sat on the couch. She was dressed better than she was right after she broke up with Lenny, but not quite as sexily as she usually would. Perfect-she was beginning to realize that she had been brainwashed, but she wasn't her completely confidant self yet.

"Do you want something to eat or drink?" Penny asked. "I have water…" She opened the fridge and moved some cartons around-"orange juice…pink lemonade…yeah, that's about everything non-alcoholic."

Penny shut the fridge and turned around. "Holy-!" She put a hand to her chest. Kurt was standing only a few paces away from her, when she thought he'd been on the couch. "Do not scare me like that," she said warningly, walking toward him on her way back to the couch.

Before she'd taken two steps, Kurt moved a step closer, and Penny stopped. "I-I'm sorry, did you want something to drink?" She took a step back, feeling the need to continue to face him. He took another step toward her, smiling playfully. She backed up another step and found herself unable to retreat any more. She was up against the fridge, he was between her and the edge of the counter, and there was no way she could move without explaining that she was feeling uncomfortable. He'd ask why, and Penny had no idea what could make her feel this way. Was it that he was standing so close to her? True, she didn't like it, but she'd stood or sat this close to Sheldon before, and that didn't bother her. Why would she feel uncomfortable around one friend and not the other? Was it because Kurt was just any old friend, and Sheldon was her best friend? It really made no sense at all.

"As I was saying," she said, trying to keep a conversation going on a neutral topic. "I-"

Kurt stepped closer, cutting the distance between them in half. Great. Now the only way to get away from him would be to slide around him, making it obvious that she didn't want him that close. He wouldn't understand. Friends stood that close all the time, and she didn't want him to think that she was pushing him away. His voice reached her ears then. "Penny, you know it can't work out with you and Lenny." Penny was confused as to where that was coming from. She opened her mouth to speak, but Kurt got words out first. "Do you remember what we had, pretty girl?" He cocked his head, giving her what she assumed was supposed to be a sweet smile. "Just listen to me, please?"

Friends listened to each other, Penny reasoned. There was nothing weird about this situation at all. Nothing. She gave a stiff nod.

"I know I was stupid before. I take full blame. I've been regretting letting you slip away for all the years we've been apart. I'm so, so sorry-I just can't put into words how sorry I am." He moved closer again. "We can get that magic back, Penny," he said. "I remember us…and you will too. Remember what we had…

They were nearly touching now, and Penny wanted to be anywhere but there. Kurt's large hands pinned her arms at her sides as he leaned in to kiss her.

A million things flashed through Penny's head in the next second or two. As Kurt's lips touched hers the realization hit her. Now she knew why she could sit or stand close to Sheldon without feeling uncomfortable. Now she knew why she wasn't nervous when she and Sheldon were alone together. Now she knew the difference between Sheldon and Kurt.

Sheldon was her best friend. That was all. She was comfortable around him because she felt nothing for him in terms of lust, attraction, or any sort of romantic feelings; and she knew that he in turn felt none of that for her. Their friendship worked, and they were relaxed around each other because they both didn't want anything more.

Deep down, she had always known that Kurt did. She knew, subconsciously, that she could never let her guard down around him like she could around Sheldon. That was why, she realized, she and Kurt could never be friends-because that's not what he wanted. He would always try something.

She'd come to her senses too late to stop the kiss. He was twice her size, and he had her pinned against the fridge. The only thing she could do to pull her lips from his was to turn her head.

Kurt didn't take the hint. He moved to her neck, kissing her where neck meets shoulder, knowing from years ago the reaction a kiss there usually got. Penny felt his lips touch her there and felt something entirely different from usual-repulsion. Leonard knew of that spot, too, and Penny knew that had it been him and not this…this…other person…she would not have pulled her hands free to push on his chest in a desperate attempt to get away. "Kurt! Stop it!"

He smiled at her. "I'm just…re-familiarizing myself. Do you not like it there anymore? Hmmm…where shall I…" he leaned in again, going for a different spot on her neck. Penny took advantage of their ever-so-slight separation, and as he tried to kiss her again she jerked her knee up and rammed it into his crotch. Then she scooted to the side, darting behind the counter and reaching for something that she stored underneath.

Kurt was looking at her. "I'm sorry."

So he was sorry. Penny sighed. He couldn't even come up with another way of wording it! Same old, same old. She tightened her grip on the object she found right where she'd left it under the countertop, looked Kurt in the eye, and said, "A homo habilis discovering his opposable thumbs says what?"

"What?"

Her real friends would be so proud of her. Penny looked Kurt in the eye. "You need to leave."

"What?" He stepped toward her again.

Penny stepped back from the counter, holding up the baseball bat. "Get out."

"What are you doing?" He looked a little worried now. He had seen her go all Nebraska on Cassie…and from the expression on his stupid face, Penny knew he remembered it. "Calm down."

"All guys want to do is tell me what to do!" She glared at him. He was trying the sad puppy-dog look again, and oh wow, was it not working for him.

"Penny, I'm sorry. I really am. Just put down the bat. Come here."

Penny gritted her teeth. "No." Boy, did it feel good to say that to him. "You said you wanted to be friends. You knew I had a boyfriend. You said we could have a platonic relationship. It's clear we can't. I'm done!"

"Oh, Penny," Kurt said cockily. "You know, deep down, that you want me. You know-you've always known what you want."

"I know what I want all right," she said. "I want you to get the hell out of my house! Get out. This cat is dead. In fact, I doubt it was ever actually alive."

"Cat?"

"I swear to God, Kurt," she said, tight-lipped and eyes narrowed. "And I swear to cow, and to whatever the hell Sheldon and Howard swears to, and…" She realized she was babbling like Leonard now. "If you don't get out of my life," she said, coming back to here and now, "I will go Junior Rodeo on you, I swear I will! I'm actually supposed to, but…I'll let you stay yourself if you leave now."

"Okay, okay," Kurt backed toward the door. "I can take a hint."

She had stopped hinting about ten minutes ago, but Penny didn't want another argument. That would, of course, mean she had to see and communicate with this moron longer.

"I'll call you," he said, opening the door and stepping into the hall.

"You won't." It was a warning, not an accusation.

Once Kurt was gone, Penny dropped the bat and sank down to her knees in front of the coffee table. Her lips burned with distaste, she felt sick, and her back hurt from being held against the fridge. The pictures, and the magnets that held them to the surface, were scattered on the floor, the sole pieces of evidence that anything had happened there. Penny felt horrible. How could she have been so stupid? And how could Kurt be so crazy as to pretend for more than a month just for a shot at her again?

She'd even grown enough to have the ability to become friends with an ex. Penny remembered that thought. Maybe she had. But he hadn't.

She should have known that Kurt was just looking to get into her pants. Howard had known, Bernadette had known, and she supposed Raj and Leonard had known, too, but Raj for obvious reasons hadn't said anything and Leonard trusted that she wouldn't let anything happen. Penny had always taken pride in the personal growth she'd had in the past few years, becoming someone that would no longer believe anything someone like Kurt would say, not matter how platonic it seemed.

_"He was all apologetic about how he's changed, and he was just going on and on, and I believed him, and I'm an idiot because I always believe guys like that."_

She was still an idiot, no matter what Bernadette would tell her. She'd fooled herself yet again, and she knew it better than she knew exactly why Sheldon's Spot was Sheldon's Spot. She had been hurt so many times, but she still managed, almost all the time, to trust people when they spoke to her. Kurt had been lying to her from the day she met him, just as every other guy had lied to her, and used her…every guy except Leonard. She knew that now, she was likely to be afraid of friendships, the same way that she was afraid of love.

Penny cocked her head, responding with confusion to her own thoughts. Maybe not. She knew that whenever she was afraid of how people would treat her, there were two guys across the hall who would never, ever treat her badly. Of all the apartment buildings in all the towns across the world, she had the good fortune to walk into theirs. Sheldon was a friend that she knew would never have sexual motives-though that physics fiasco was still pissing her off. And Leonard, despite his cold upbringing, was the kindest, most loving man she knew. She knew that he had been genuine in his declaration of love, and that was why she made it her mission to never, ever lead him on.

There was a tapping at her door, a normal, four beat knock that occurred only once. It was Zack. Penny jumped up and picked the pictures off the floor. Time to dry her eyes and get ready for the party. Kurt was out of the picture, she was going on a date with a perfectly nice guy, and as evidenced by her finger and toe nails, everything was getting better with Leonard. Things were looking up, and she had to remember that it could only go up from here.


	12. Chapter 12

**Here's another 'missing scene', something we all know happened but didn't see. Hope it doesn't suck!**

"Zack! Over here!"

"Hey mans!" Zack led Penny over to a corner table, where a few guys were sitting. "Waz going o-on!" He motioned to Penny. "This is Penny."

"Su'up?"

"What's happenin'?"

"Nice to meet you all," Penny said, smiling. "Sorry we're late."

"Hey, this is a surprise party," said one of the guys. "It doesn't matter when we get here."

Penny nodded. "Right, right." She knew that her smile looked phony. "How could I forget?"

"Let's sit down," Zack said, sliding onto the bench and pulling Penny with him. She was only sitting half on the bench, but she didn't want to ask Zack to move over. He'd only talk in a loud voice and she didn't need the entire party to know that she was bracing her right leg against a wall to prevent herself from overbalancing. "So guess what we were doing right before we came here?"

Penny cringed at some of the ideas that the guys threw out as guesses. "Listen to this," Zack said, leaning forward. "We were up on her roof, and there were a bunch of guys up there firing a laser at the moon!"

"That's dangerous," said one of the guys. "Are these people stupid?" He grabbed another bottle of beer.

"Naw," said Zack. "They're smart-they set the laser to stun."

Penny tilted her head away from the group in disbelief as they chimed in about how smart Leonard and the others had been to be so considerate to the moon. She took the alcohol that Zack offered to her and downed it. What was wrong with her? Why was this conversation bothering her so much?

"So," Zack said, leaning back and putting his arm around Penny. "So me and my bitch here were at the restaurant the other day…"

"I'm not your bitch," Penny said quietly. She was too far out of her comfort zone to speak any louder, but she was offended. _No one calls me that. _The last time someone called her that, she attacked and got a black eye.

Zack wasn't listening. "I was telling her that my dad and I, we've been talking about new ideas for the menus. I've got a few new ways to organize the Appeteazers."

"Appeteazers?" Penny

"Made it up myself," Zack said proudly.

"Oh, Zack," said a girl who had walked up to the table as Penny was asking her question. "I wish that Dan here could make up words!"

"That's a clever word, Courtney," said Dan. "And Zack's the brains of this here group."

"Oh, definitely," said another guy.

"Recognize," Zack said, slapping himself on the chest. "Right, Penny?"

"Right," Penny said, putting her hand on his shoulder. "Right."

"Oh, boy," Penny said under her breath. She grabbed a bottle from the middle of the table and opened it.

"Need help drinking that, Penny?" Zack asked. "Or would you like a few…appeteazers?"

"Did you really make that word up yourself, Zack?" asked one of the men at the table. "I could have sworn I'd heard it before."

"Nope, it was all me," said Zack. "Come on, no one else in this world could think of a word like that-come on, Gary! Of course it was me." He turned to Penny. "So, do you need help drinking that?"

"No, I think I need every drop of it," she said, turning away as she gulped the drink. Zack leaned over so his mouth was by her ear. "Appeteazers," he whispered.

"Yep," she said. "Excuse me, I have to go to the bathroom."

"Shall I come?" Zack asked.

"What?"

He lowered his voice. "Are you really going to the bathroom?"

"Yes!"

"Okay, easy there." Zack held his hands up in surrender, grinning. "Appe-teazers!"

Penny found the bathroom and locked herself inside. "Wow!" she said to her reflection. She finished the beer in her hand and dropped the bottle in the wastebasket. "Appeteazers!" She growled. It wasn't even funny, and she knew that when drunk she thought everything was hilarious.

She remembered when she'd met Zack and was so thankful that he was the kind of guy she'd always dated. She was glad that he never brought up stuff that she didn't understand. Well, he never brought up stuff that she didn't understand because he didn't even know about a lot of the stuff that she did understand!

Deep down, she'd known that from the time she met him, but she'd been so anxious to try dating again and going back to how she'd been that she'd pretended that she didn't care. Now that she'd seen him and Leonard side by side, she knew that she could never, ever date a guy like Zack.

"Hey, where are you going?" Zack asked as she booked by their table.

"Home," she said.

He got up to follow. "But the party isn't over!"

She turned. "Then stay. It doesn't matter to me."

"So…we're not having sex later?" He cocked his head. "I haven't even told you all about the Appeteazers!" He raised his bottle and gulped the beer, tipping his head back.

"Screw the Appeteazers!" Penny snapped. "You are such an idiot, Zack! You think you're smart but you're not, you have no right to pretend you are! You're embarrassing to actual smart people! Why the hell are you so cocky? You don't know anything-you wouldn't last three days at the North Pole."

"Ooh, the North Pole!" Zack turned back to the table. "I just had a bitchin' idea!"

Penny ran out into the night, up the street. Hardly anyone was around, and she didn't see any taxis, so she flopped down on a bench. "I hate you," she whispered. "I hate you, Zack. I hate you." Tears came to her eyes. Why were all the nice guys in the world idiots? She couldn't date someone who thought that Leonard was going to blow up the moon! How stupid did you have to be, to think that? Zack was stupid, Mike led her on, Kurt cheated on her and then came back wanting sex again. Penny put her face in her hands. She hadn't felt so lonely and hurt in a long time. Every guy she'd ever been with was a jerk.

Well…not everyone. Penny got up and headed down the street. Zack had seemed so nice when she'd met him…but that stupid, stupid Leonard had to go and show her what an idiot he was. He thought they were going to blow up the moon! "I hate you, Zack," Penny mumbled.

When she reached the apartment building, she found herself heading up the stairs and turning left. She faced Leonard's door and thought about it for only a moment before knocking.


	13. Chapter 13

**This one is pretty short…well, I guess a lot of these have been short. This one just stood out to me, maybe because there's really no dialogue. **

**Still don't own anything.**

Penny woke up with a pounding headache. She didn't want to open her eyes; her forehead was throbbing so hard that she was sure that Leonard would be able to see it.

Leonard! Penny's eyes flew open as she realized where she was. She tilted her head to the left and saw him there, lying on his back with his right arm stretching to her side of the bed. Penny followed it down to the hand, and she jumped when she realized that she was holding it.

Penny looked back at his face, tilted toward her side of the bed. Her lower lip started to shake as she carefully slid her fingers out from between his. How did they get to be holding hands?

She remembered that they hadn't talked much afterwards, or maybe he'd tried to talk to her but she was too drained from everything that had happened that evening. He'd probably taken her hand as she drifted off to sleep, and she'd probably let him because she'd been feeling so lonely. He'd given her solace.

"Oh, God," Penny whispered, the reality of what had happened sinking in. "Oh, my God." She glanced behind her to make sure she wasn't about to fall off the bed and eased herself off of it. She slid her dress on and looked toward around. Maybe if she slipped out of here without waking Leonard, he would forget that it happened.

_Yeah, Penny, sure. He'll forget. He's the sober one who's in love with you._

Only partially due to the headache, Penny closed her eyes. _Damn it. Damn it, damn it, damn it! _She put a hand up to her forehead. She was such an idiot. She'd sworn to never hurt him again, and then, after they'd agreed to be friends, after they'd painted each other's nails on a day that felt so wonderfully normal…she'd gone and done this-ruined all the progress they'd made.

_Maybe if she slipped out of here without waking Leonard, he would forget that it happened._

That's what had to happen. They had to forget, erase this awful mistake that she'd made, or they'd never make it as friends. Forgetting was the only way.

Penny lowered her head and tried to make it out of the apartment. Her head was starting to spin, and a half an hour later she knew she wasn't going to remember most of the conversation she had with Sheldon. Except that she'd been too loud again, and that didn't really surprise her much.

As Penny crossed the hall she felt the urge to gag. Too much alcohol, too much guilt…Penny ran for her apartment door and yanked it open, dashing for the bathroom and dropping down in front of the toilet, not allowing herself to remember the last time she'd had too much to drink. She closed her eyes and took deep breaths until the urge to vomit passed, and then rose to dress for work.

She made it as far as locating her uniform before she bent at the waist and threw up on the floor of her closet. She dropped to her knees and then rolled onto her side, holding her heaving stomach and closing her eyes. "I am having a bad day," she said, surprised at how dry her voice was. She tried to cough to clear her throat, but she only felt nauseated again. "God." She pressed her fingers into her eyes in an attempt to block out the world.

But she couldn't. She had to go to work. Penny pulled herself to her feet and put her uniform on. _Here goes…nothing._

* * *

That night, as Penny opened the door and saw Leonard there, she felt all the frustration and anger she'd been feeling toward herself bubbling up, threatening to overflow and make her say something to him that she would regret. So she'd acted quickly, placing her hands firmly on him and pushing backward, more, more, until he was out of her apartment. "_Are you out of your mind?_" She snapped, pulling the door shut and locking it. She turned her back against it and tilted her head backward until it touched the door. _Please go home. Please go home._

When another knock didn't come, Penny turned and peered through the peep hole. He was gone. With her breathing returning from panic-mode to normal, Penny sighed, and leaned against the door, much as she had a year ago. This time her words were different, but still held the same amount of regret. "I'm sorry, Leonard." She whispered. "I'm so sorry."


	14. Chapter 14

**I've lost track of what part of the story I'm in…maybe next time I should add A/Ns as I write!**

Penny rapped quietly on 4A's door. "Sheldon?" She knocked again, once, twice, three times. "Sheldon? Knock, knock, knock, "Sheldon?" She looked down at the floor as she waited, the toe of her right shoe absentmindedly rubbing away a scuff mark. When she saw and heard the door begin to open, she looked back up.

"Hello, Penny," Sheldon said somewhat cheerfully.

"Can I come in?"

"Has my saying 'no' ever stopped you before? Don't answer, that was both a rhetorical and sarcastic sentence." He smiled, proud of himself, and stood aside so she could come in. "Is something troubling you, Penny?"

Penny sank down on Leonard's chair, realized it was Leonard's chair, but didn't dare get up. She remembered the one night they were watching Return of the Jedi, and afterward they were both too lazy to get up and turn it off and she fell asleep curled up on his lap in that very chair.

Her memory was interrupted when Sheldon sat down in his spot. "I asked if something was troubling you. I noticed that you're averting eye contact and on the rare occasion that I can see your eyes I made the observation that they have a reddish tinge, implying that you are either bleeding from the eye or have been crying. I assume that you are not suffering from optical difficulties since you do not seem to be in a panic, so I can only assume that you have been expressing some sort of grief." He smiled again, and then cocked his head slightly. "How was that? Was I far off?"

"No," Penny said, curling up in the chair. "You did good."

"Ah. Well, now that we've established that, I assume that you came to me to vent your lamentations? Please do so before Leonard gets home, as I don't think he'd take kindly to you being in this apartment, especially since yesterday I asked if you were coming over for dinner and he said that you were the only woman he's ever known to break his heart twice."

Penny's head shot up. "What?" The only woman he's ever known to break his heart twice…well, she felt just great now.

Sheldon shrugged. "That's what he said…actually…" Sheldon looked uncomfortable. "I don't think I was supposed to repeat that. Can you forget I mentioned it?"

"I don't know about that, Sheldon," Penny said. There is no way in any universe that I could forget that you told me that. Awesome job, buddy. "But I won't mention it to him, okay?"

"If that's the best you can do, then fine." Sheldon looked down and shifted. "I'm not very good at this 'best friend' thing, am I? I apologize, Penny, you're the first friend I've ever had that wasn't a born and bred scientist or nerd. I'm still getting used to this outside friendship."

Penny smiled and shook her head. "You're fine, sweetie. Though, if you want to practice being a good best friend, then you can listen to what I have to say right now. Want to try that?"

"Okay." Sheldon crossed a leg over the other and put a hand to his chin like he was listening intently. "Go on."

"Okay. Here's the thing." Penny played with her hands. "You remember how…how stupid that guy Zack was? How he thought that you guys were going to blow up the moon, and just how…how much he didn't know about everything. I can't date the kind of guys that I used to date anymore. They're all missing something, and I regret sleeping with Leonard the other night because it reminded me of how happy I was. But is that love? I don't know, and I can't go back to Leonard and take the chance of hurting him again. As far as the other night is concerned, I already did that once. I can't hurt him again." She felt the familiar burning in her eyes, and a hand went up to rub the tears away before they overflowed. "And with Kurt being around lately…I remembered how I loved him, or thought I loved him, and I was just cruelly reminded of what a jerk he is. And he's stupid, too. He calls Leonard 'Lenny', for crying out loud!"

"I know," Sheldon said. "You would think he would know by now, but then again, Leonard wasn't very clear at his apartment last year. He told Kurt it was 'okay' to call him Lenny."

"See? That's what I mean! Kurt just…what?" Penny sat up straighter. "When were you guys at his apartment last year? Sheldon, sweetie, it's been much longer than that since I asked you to get my television set."

"No, this was when you were low on money and Leonard insisted that we go and make Kurt pay you back for the…oh…" Sheldon lowered his head in what appeared to be shame. "I'm sorry. I wasn't supposed to tell you that, either."

"Tell me…" Penny's eyes widened. "He…Leonard went…Kurt told me…" her jaw dropped, and she put a hand over her mouth in an attempt to stop babbling incoherently. She'd been so pleasantly surprised when Kurt had shown up at her door, smiling and ready to pay her back. Leonard had…she shook her head. Leonard had gone to Kurt. For her. That made her feel warm inside, knowing that he was the reason that she'd had her money back in time to pay her bills, and that he hadn't said anything about it…hadn't taken credit at all.

Oh, why did their lives have to be so complicated? _Because right now, I'm thinking that our last night was an even bigger mistake than I thought. I want you back again. I want you to love me…and I want to love you._ The trouble, Penny knew, was that she was still scared, and she knew that what you want to do and what you should do are two very different things. She couldn't give in to this "maybe" feeling only to hurt him again. She couldn't.

"Penny?"

Startled, Penny realized that she'd been quiet for some time, and Sheldon was looking at her in confusion. "Sorry, Sheldon. What did you say?"

"Have you finished telling me your troubles and trepidations?"

Penny shrugged. There was more, but she didn't think she could talk about it now. She couldn't face her problems herself, so telling Sheldon would accomplish nothing. "Yeah, I guess I am."

"Okay…" Sheldon trailed off. "Um…okay, I don't know exactly what I'm supposed to do now."

"What do you mean?"

"You've told me your troubles, but I have no past experience in which to guide you on your next move."

Penny smiled. "No, Sheldon. You don't have to tell me what to do. You listened, you acted like you cared, and you didn't tell me I was stupid. That's all I needed. Thank you."

"That's all I have to do?" Sheldon looked surprised.

"One more thing." She stood and headed toward the door. Reaching it, she turned around. "Can I talk to you again, if I need it?"

"If a good best friend is available to their friend, then yes, I'll listen again."

She smiled, turning to leave again. Then she hesitated and turned around. "One more thing?"

"Again?" Sheldon looked up. Then, apparently realizing that that was the wrong response, he stood. "What else?"

Penny bit her lip. "Can I have a hug?"

Sheldon turned his head slightly to the side, clearly surprised. He stared at her in confusion for a moment, then nodded slightly. "…okay…" He went over to her and raised his arms slightly. "Um…I've never actually been asked to give a hug to a non-family member…how do I proceed?"

"Hug me like you would Missy or your mom," Penny said, putting her own arms out.

The hug lasted about two seconds. "There there," Sheldon said.

"Thanks," Penny said, pulling away. "You're a great person, Sheldon Cooper." Penny smiled and exited the apartment.

That was a friend. Kurt should take Sheldon's class.

* * *

Knock knock knock "Bernadette?"

Knock knock knock "Bernadette?"

Knock knock knock "Bernadette?"

Bernadette opened her door, wearing a robe, fuzzy slippers, and a confused look. "Penny? It's…" she looked at her wrist and then seemed to realize that she was not wearing a watch. "It's really early."

Penny nodded. "I know. I'm sorry, but…can I just come in? I need to talk." She bit her thumbnail. "I talked to Sheldon, but he's a guy and has no idea how to help, and you're like my best friend and…" She trailed off, shrugging her shoulders lamely.

"Sure." Bernadette stood aside. "We can talk in the living room. Just clear a spot for yourself on the couch. Put the books anywhere, table, floor…" she gestured around the living area. "I really need to clean this place, don't I?" She smiled.

Penny managed a smile back. "It's no worse than mine." She picked up a textbook and set it on the coffee table before easing into its spot.

Bernadette lifted a stack of papers from the seat beside Penny and lowered herself onto the couch. "So," the other waitress said slowly, "how did it go with Zack?"

Zack. Penny scoffed. "He's such an idiot. He knows nothing and thinks he knows everything. He thought that Leonard was going to blow up the moon. Yeah, that's _exactly_ what he was going to do, because that's what we do in our spare time." She shook her head.

"Um…would you mind backing up a bit?"

"Sorry." Penny sighed and looked at Bernadette. "He showed up about a half and hour before the date, and I invited him in. He asked me if I had anything to drink, so I got some stuff out and he started downing the thing…" she trailed off. "That was my first clue, I guess; he was getting a little obnoxious." Beside her, Bernadette nodded, encouraging her to go on. "So then Leonard showed up, and he asked us…" she detailed the experiment as well as she could, and then told about how dumb Zack had acted at the party. "I swear, Bernadette, he was driving me crazy. He's the kind of guy that I dated…before…and I can't date those people anymore! I can't stand them, you know, macho, with the perfect body, and the hair, and the money…they just think that they can rock this world, and they're so stupid they'd destroy it in a day, and those kinds of men don't care about you. They don't care at all."

"So then what happened? You…he didn't…"

"No. I left and got a ride back home, but I went to Leonard's apartment, not mine. I couldn't go to mine." Penny looked down at her hands. "It's so lonely there."

Bernadette knew what that meant. "Penny…you know that never ends well."

Penny sniffed. She felt her diaphragm start to tremble, and she put her hand up to her eyes to try and prevent herself from crying again. "I know…but…it was late, and I was drunk, and all I could think of was him. I needed him, Bernadette, or I was going to go insane." She wiped her eyes. "I…I thought that if I could just have one more night it would be easier for me to move on. If I'd been sober, I know I would have resisted because I'd have known that it would make me break again."

"Have you talked to Leonard?" Bernadette asked quietly.

Penny nodded. "Yeah. I said…I said that we had to forget that it ever happened. That it was a mistake." She shook her head and wiped her eyes.

Bernadette tilted her head to one side. "Was it a mistake?"

"Mmmm. It was. By making love to him, it reminded me of what we were. Knowing he loves me…or he did, made me feel so special, and I needed that…but now I don't know how to move on. I've made it hard for us to be friends since I used him that way, but we can't go back to the way we were, not with everything I've done to him." She sighed. "I should have ended it-just ended it in that bowling alley, because now I really have led him on. I hurt him again. I used him. I want to go back, but I can't, because I'll only make it worse."

"This is a complicated situation," Bernadette agreed.

"And it's all my fault."

"Penny," her friend said gently. "You're young. You make mistakes. If you're not sure if you love him, then why punish yourself by not being friends with him? Just go back, laugh, smile, and be friendly, and maybe one day you'll know exactly what you want."

"It's too late," Penny said. "I've hurt him so badly. When he came to my apartment drunk the next night, I pushed him away. Literally, I shoved him, and slammed the door in his face. I'm an awful person." She gave a deep, hard sigh. "It was just so much _easier_ to pretend that I was angry at him."

"Sometimes you hurt the ones you love," Bernadette said. "But something special will find a way to work. It just takes time."

Penny smiled and stood. "I'd better get to work."

"I'll be in in a few hours," said Bernadette, rising. "We can talk more on your break, if you want."

Penny hugged her. "Thanks," she said quietly.

* * *

Penny went to get ice cream that evening, finding a corner of the shop and spreading out her screenplay on the table. Maybe if she could focus on something else-something that didn't remind her of Leonard that wasn't a guy-then she could get her life back on track. The screenplay was a perfect distraction-she hadn't worked on it at all during her relationship with Leonard, and she'd started it months before she'd met him. Now, where was she?

So Jenny had just gotten there from Lincoln, and got the job at the Cheesecake Factory…Goddamn it, this was based on her life! Jenny moved with boyfriend Burt? She had rhyming names?

Penny sighed and slapped her laptop closed. She'd been an idiot, too.

"Penny? Is that Penny?"

Penny looked up and felt her heart sink. "Hey Mike."

"Look at you! You look absolutely wonderful!"

Oh, the wonderful déjà vu vibe. Penny slowly slid her laptop into her bag. "What do you want?"

"Is that any way to greet the studley man standing in front of you?" He slid into the booth across from her. "I've been thinking about you a lot recently."

"Mike, I can't." Penny stood up. "I need to go home."

"Hey, just listen to me." He grabbed her wrist. "I want to hang out. You know, meet up sometime. Can't we be friends?"

Penny pulled her arm away. "I gotta go." She speed-walked out of the parlor and then booked it to her car.

"Can't we be friends?"

She knew what he was after. She knew he was single and lonely and looking for a good time, and she wasn't going to let herself be fooled again. First the whole thing with Leonard, then Kurt proving that he wasn't the friendly man he pretended to be, and now knowing that Mike wanted her for meaningless reasons as well…she just couldn't take it anymore.

She pulled up to her building and parked the car. Halfway up the first flight of stairs she stopped. No, she didn't want to go back to her lonely apartment building, and she knew that if she did she'd drink and then go over to Leonard's and do something she'd regret. She turned around and headed back downstairs.

She'd been spending the last two months of her life being careful, holding back for fear of being hurt. Tonight, she was going to let loose, and let loose in a way that wouldn't involve someone else. This was going to be just her.

**One more chapter-it's going to be long.**


	15. Chapter 15

**This is the last, very long chapter of The Long Road Parallel. I really enjoyed writing it, and I hope you enjoyed reading it! Thanks (ahead of time, when I wrote this!) to all of my readers and reviewers.**

**Here's chapter fifteen!**

Leonard pulled up to the apartment building. He hated getting home late when his life was going well, as it gave him less time to spend with everyone, but now that his life meant next to nothing he enjoyed the extra hours. It was less time to spend places he associated with her, and less time with nothing on his mind to think of how horribly everything had gone wrong.

He was about to turn into his spot when someone darted into the road ahead of him, and he quickly applied the brake. The night was darker than usual due to the rain coming in, and after the person cleared his headlights he wasn't able to see them clearly. The silhouette of the person was hurrying to a car…Penny's car. Curious, Leonard waited to pull forward. The car door opened, and the interior light allowed Leonard to see that it was Penny. She jumped into the driver's seat, and a split second later pulled out of the spot, accelerating on the damp pavement with a screech and peeling out of the parking lot.

Leonard's finger hesitated on the seat buckle, and then decided against going home. Penny wasn't the best driver when calm and he'd known her long enough to be able to tell that something was upsetting her. With her recklessness and bad weather coming in, he had to follow her whether she cared if she crashed or not. Easing out onto the road, Leonard looked in the direction in which she'd gone in time to see a bumper disappearing around a corner. Accelerating to a speed that was as fast as he dared, Leonard followed her into the night.

* * *

Penny had no idea where she was going to go, but she couldn't lie in that bed again and wake up late again and wonder why he hadn't gotten her up in time for work…or tonight, when she was cleaning off her dresser and found that glass case that he'd brought her so long ago. After she completed the turn and her apartment building and that fool who'd almost hit her was out of sight, she allowed herself to glance down at it. She couldn't see the snowflake because of the darkness, but she knew it was there. Of course it was. The case was there, and the snowflake would last forever. Leonard had preserved with a…a…well, in all fairness, he'd tried to explain it to her. She'd just had other things on her mind. She took her hand off of the wheel for a brief moment to slip the snowflake into her hoodie pocket.

She just couldn't do anything right. Wasn't it only the other day that she'd vowed to never hurt her friends? Then she'd gone and slept with Leonard, and then turned him away cruelly at the door the next night, still trying to convince herself that this was better.

"God!" She said aloud. She'd spent the last several weeks reflecting and regretting and self-pitying and stressing out and she couldn't handle it anymore.

Penny decided that she had enough of main roads. They were crawling with cops, and she was feeling reckless. Not reckless as in "let's do it in this movie theater during the bombing scene," reckless, not "neck, shot, lime," reckless, oh no. Real reckless. Danger. None of that child's play stuff. She wanted to take her anger and frustration out on someone, something, anything. She turned on a road away from the city, and she hit dirt…she wasn't sure of the time, but it was a while later. Pushing her foot down firmly on the accelerator, she watched in satisfaction as the speedometer climbed higher, higher. This wasn't dangerous at all, Penny reasoned. She was sober, and no one was around. This was harmless fun; after all, what did she have to lose?

The rain began to come down, and the thunderstorms the previous week had left large potholes in this road…what road was it? Penny had no idea, but she didn't care.

Bang!

Her left front tire hit a pothole solid in the center and jerked around it. Penny held the wheel steady, allowing herself to smile. That thud felt very satisfying, almost as if she was driving her fist into whatever it was she was mad at.

Bang!

Aha. She'd hit another one. Penny's smile actually felt natural, and it hadn't in a while. She glanced at the speedometer. Higher, higher. She was so speeding. She felt like a real rebel, worry free and finally over the fact that…

Bang!

_Crack! _

Penny's smile faded rapidly. That didn't sound like the other ones. The car wasn't moving forward like it had been. It was careening toward the ditch. Penny's fantasy world was shattered and she was brought back to harsh reality as the slippery mud dragged her car toward the soupy mess at the side of the road. Her frantic turning of the steering wheel only brought her front end around to help the car complete a three sixty before coming to a stop. She leaned back against the seat, hands outstretched to grip the steering wheel so hard her knuckles turned white. She hadn't been doing anything physical whatsoever; it was the car that had been highway-speeding on a beaten up dirt road, but she was breathing harder than Leonard ever had in bed. What had she been thinking? She could easily have been killed, alone and lonely on a forgotten dirt road.

Penny leaned forward and rested her elbows on her knees so her hands could support her face. What was wrong with her? She was living in constant unhappiness, never able to escape her overwhelmed mind for more than a few hours. Even her nights went by slowly.

A thick bolt of lightning sliced through the sky a split second before the thunder crashed. That had been very, very close. Penny was suddenly afraid. She had to get home, it was cold and dark and rainy and her terrifying experience had reminded her that she had never been a big fan of "Jesus, Take The Wheel." Now she knew why.

Penny took a few deep breaths to calm herself. She had no idea where she was, but she could just go back the way she came until she saw a street she recognized. She took another large gulp of air and gently applied the gas.

Nothing.

Penny was confused. She pressed down on the gas pedal again, and when she got no response she checked to make sure that she was in drive and her key was still in the ignition. Her car just wasn't working. It must be the mud, and the fact that I'm halfway in a ditch. Penny jumped when the next streak of lightning came. She had never been good with storms. You couldn't beat them with a baseball bat.

Penny unbuckled her seat belt and pulled out her cell phone, hoping that she got service in The Middle Of Nowhere. Of course there were no bars. Of course, because a company that got service on a Nebraska farm wouldn't remember to put towers on random dirt roads in California. She just could not catch a break.

Or could she? Penny saw lights ahead of her, coming her way from the direction she'd been speeding toward when the accident occurred. She put on her emergency flashers, and the car slowed down. Rolling down her window, she called out as the car stopped. "Help! I'm stuck!"

She knew that was a mistake the minute the man got out of the car. He was big, burly, and the adjective that her sister would use to describe him wouldn't be anything but _shady_. "Have we got a problem?" He asked, coming closer. Once he was near enough to see who was in the car, a smile came over his face. "Well! Aren't you a pretty little lady?"

Penny rolled up her window. "I'm fine, thank you."

"Oh, you don't seem fine…" he smiled at her, smiled a smile that scared Penny. This man didn't want to help her. She'd met her share of them, sure, but never alone on a dirt road in the middle of a late night thunderstorm. Another bolt of lightning momentarily lit up the sky.

"Go away," Penny said through the window, beginning to feel just a little bit afraid.

"No, no," said the man. "You're coming with me." He pulled on the door handle, and it popped open easily. Damn the broken lock! Penny tried to hold it shut with one hand, the other frantically searching in the dark for something, anything that would help her overpower him. She found nothing, she knew she wouldn't, she'd been keeping her baseball bat in the apartment in case those awful people came back to rob her friends.

The man was strong. In less than thirty seconds he'd wrestled the door open and grabbed Penny by the upper arm. She shrieked, trying to jerk her arm away. He was too strong, and with a few jerks, Penny tumbled out of the car, too off-balance to prevent herself from landing on her side in the mud. "Let me go!" She cried, trying to rise to her feet. He had her in a compromising position, on her side and half on her feet, as he yanked her toward his vehicle. "Stop! S…stop!" She felt desperate tears spring to her eyes as he caught her flailing free arm. She was trapped, she wasn't getting away, it was the middle of the night on a back road in a storm and this man was too strong.

That's when Penny saw the headlights, the headlights from the car that was approaching from the direction that she'd come from, the headlights that made the man let go of her arms and made a beeline for his car. He jumped inside, started the engine, and spun around. Penny scrambled out of the way as he took off in the opposite direction.

Penny stood, feeling shaky as she stumbled toward her car. She had no idea who was behind the wheel of the approaching vehicle, but she didn't care-at the moment she loved them more than anyone she'd ever loved before because they'd prevented her from being put into that awful man's car. She reached the car and hurriedly scrambled inside, holding the door shut even though she knew that the man was gone.

Her car's interior got brighter as the car, driving slowly, approached and stopped a few yards behind her own vehicle. Turning in her seat, Penny watched as the door opened and the driver stepped out into the rainy night. Penny was nervous; after that night's experience she couldn't help but shake as she watched the figure walk into the headlights-she gasped, her hand flying to her mouth-Leonard!

Penny's hands started to shake and she struggled with the door handle, stumbling out of the car. She whimpered his name. "Penny," he said picking up the pace as they closed the distance between them. She felt like a toddler as she ran the last few steps into his open arms. She dug her fingers in his back in an effort to hold on tighter, breaking down as she felt his own arms tighten around her. She'd gone from feelings of extreme frustration to complete terror to utter relief in less than ten minutes, and it was just too much.

"Shhh," Leonard said quietly, rubbing her back. "It's okay."

"I can't believe you're here," she said, babbling as her teeth chattered. "There was this guy and my car was not working and I never listened to Sheldon about the lock and he…" she pulled back. The left side of her body had been completely covered in mud, most of which had transferred from her front to Leonard's. "God, I'm such a mess."

"Hey," Leonard said, pulling her a bit closer. He took his sleeve over his hand and wiped her face off. "There. Beautiful."

"Shut up." Penny crossed her arms and shivered. She was soaking wet and freezing cold, and she was relieved when Leonard took her in his arms again, holding her shaking body against his. "It's so cold. So, so, so, so…"

"You're hyperventilating," Leonard said. "Calm down, it's okay." He swayed gently, and Penny could feel his fingers absentmindedly curling around her hair. "You're safe now. Tell you what." He pulled back. Penny didn't want him to pull back, but he stepped away and pulled off his jacket. "Here." He slid it around her shoulders, and Penny gratefully put her arms through the sleeves. It was still warm from his body, and she shuddered with relief. "Thank you." She came back to him and let him hug her again. "Thank you."

"There you go. Now just calm down, everything's okay…" Penny's eyes were closed, and as she listened to his voice she felt herself begin to calm down. Her breathing slowed down and became more regular, and she let out a deep sigh. He was still holding her close to him, the rain drumming down on them. "So," he said. "Are you okay now?

Another bolt of lightning lit up the sky. "I was scared, Leonard," she said, opening her eyes. "It was raining, and cold, and there was lightning, and…"

"And it still is," Leonard said, sliding his hand up to hold her head against him. "So how about I take you home?"

"Mmmhmmm," she mumbled.

"Let's go." He turned toward his car, and she followed him, glad that someone was telling her what to do. When they reached the car, Leonard held open the door for her. Penny looked at it, and then up at him, the rain dripping down from his hair onto his nose.

"What are you doing, just get in?" He was smiling at her. She smiled back and eased into the seat. Leonard shut her door and turned back toward her car. He returned and stuck his head in the window.

"I'm trying to see how bad your car is. It's clearly non-functional, but…" He shrugged and turned, walking toward it. Leonard disappeared around the front of the broken down car, and Penny raised her chin to try and see what he was doing. She couldn't, but it didn't matter, as Leonard reappeared less than a minute later. He went around to the driver's side and got in. "I don't know much about cars, and I couldn't see too well, but it appears that your tie rod is broken. That's what connects the front tires and you use it for-"

"I know, I know," Penny said. "God, this is going to cost so much to fix."

"I'll help you with that."

"Leonard, no, you don't-"

"Is your seatbelt on?" Leonard looked over at her.

"Yeah." Penny rested her chin on her knees. Now that the relief of Leonard coming to her rescue was past and she felt safe, awkwardness seeped into the car. They fell silent. Leonard drove carefully around the potholes until they got to the main road, the windshield wipers being the only sound apart from the rain. Penny stared straight ahead-or she tried to; she kept looking at him out of the corner of her eye. He'd followed her; of course he'd followed her. He had no other reason to be out on that road in the middle of the night during a thunderstorm. The fact that he cared _that much_…okay, well, she already knew he cared that much, but the fact that still, after all she'd done to him, he went out of his way to look out for her, to protect her. And now, only six weeks after they'd been so comfortable around each other…this act of love made the atmosphere almost unbearable. Penny hated that it was like this. "Leonard?"

"Yeah?"

"We need to talk."

He looked over at her. "Okay. We can talk. Sure we can talk, no problem."

"Oh," Penny moaned, putting her face in her hands. He was using that voice again, that "tell me what to do, and I'll do it," voice. She hated that voice. It sounded like heartbreak, and Penny had never broken the heart before.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing. Why does something have to be wrong?"

Leonard knew her better than that. "Penny."

"Can you pull over?"

"Uh-huh. Sure." He glanced in the mirrors and eased onto the broad shoulder. Putting the car in park, he turned to look at her. "What's up?"

She looked back at him, at Leonard, who's glasses were still dripping with rainwater, who's shirt had an outline of her body in mud on the front, and who's wet hair had been pushed away from his eyes, the eyes that now looked straight at hers. Penny took a breath. "Okay. Okay, listen." _Wow, this is hard_. "Listen, I know…I know that I've been horribly unfair to you." She sniffed. "I didn't mean it was a mistake. Not the way you thought." She dropped her gaze. "Can we still be friends? Or is it too late?"

"Oh, Penny! Of course not! Of course we can be friends."

"That's not what I mean," she said. "Can we be real friends? The kind that isn't awkward when we pass in the halls. The kind that can hang out with the other without falling silent when someone says 'remember when'. Can we be the Penny and Leonard that played video games? The Penny and Leonard that went to the comic book store or joked while folding laundry? Can we be those people again?"

Leonard had fallen silent, watching her. Penny felt horrible asking what she was. She knew that he loved her; she could see it in his eyes. Breaking up hadn't changed that. Nor had it changed the respect she had for him, and it hadn't made her care any less deeply about him. "It's going to be hard," he said.

"I know," she said. "It's hard for me, too. But you'll try?"

"Of course," he said, reaching out toward her. She leaned toward him and their arms slid around each other. "We'll be okay."

"We will. And I promise I won't take advantage of you again."

He smiled. "Great. Are you ready to go home?"

Penny felt her throat tighten ever so slightly. Gosh, did it hurt to know that that meant "are you ready to go back to the apartment building, where I'll go to my home and you go to yours?" He wouldn't be beside her tonight, holding her close and making sure that the events of the night hadn't scared her too badly to sleep. This was going to be hard, and yes, probably awkward and tense at times, no matter what they promised now. But Leonard cared for her, and she cared for him, and they'd always be there for each other.

She didn't know what was in store for them in the future. She didn't know how long it would take for those scars of her past to heal. Penny and Leonard climbed the stairs to the fourth floor.

"Good night," he said, walking her to her apartment door.

She smiled at him. "Good night, Leonard." They just looked at each other for a long moment, and Penny debated on what she should do. Before, when they were friends, she could kiss him on the cheek..but she figured it was too soon for that. Instead, she opted for a quick hug, putting an arm over his shoulder and giving him a quick squeeze. She felt his hand rest momentarily on her back as the hug was returned. Penny reached for her doorknob, smiling.

They had talked. She had apologized. Penny entered her apartment and got into dry clothes. Running her hands through her hair, she slid into bed, feeling better than she had in over a month. For now, Leonard was one of the only true friends that she had ever had. And for now, that was enough.

**I know. I know. I didn't get them back together. In one draft, I almost did, but decided against it. I wanted to make it so, going into season four, it was possible that all of this could have happened, so that's why I kept it like this. :( But hopefully the show will get them back together, and soon!**


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